Millard Fillmore

Of all the great controversies and conspiricies associated with the highest office of North American politics, perhaps the greatest is the sad story of Millard Fillmore. Shrouded in mystery for centuries, we now know the following to be true: while campaigning for Attorney General in 1732, Fillmore met with horrible tradgedy at the hands of a rabid buffalo. He was brutally trampled to death by the unfeeling beast, with little left in the aftermath, save his skinny leather necktie. Fillmore's supporters were determined, however, that all their hard work would not go to waste, and quickly fashioned a 'new' Millard Filmore out of a smartly trimmed Blue Sap Maple tree, attired in Fillmore's extra suit. Shoes had to be specially designed to support the tree. Little is known of the actual Fillmore presidency, proving that his advisors had been correct in their judgement that they could run the nation with competence.

The "Millard Maple", before and after.